Hanging wif my Peeps

I just back from "Abilities" expo. These seem to be good to go to every three or four years. The pace of innovation isn't exactly breath-taking.

I have to come down off this high I'm on because all I can burble right now what how cool it was. How people looked me square in the eye and shook my hand. I was taken at face value - except for one guy who was in a chair, in KAFOs, who asked me within two minutes "what happened". And I replied - truthfully, as it turns out - lesions at t-12 and l-5. He said he was a polio. 'Scuse me if I'm skeptical.

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for the chair I have now....but...but... as I was cruising down an aisle, a Quickie rep came up to me and said, "Aren't you kind of worried about that left wheel?" Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. It had a wonky feel to it, and as I was wheeling along, I kept it slow. I asked if anyone was repairing chairs and he pointed directly over my head at a sign in the next aisle for free wheelchair repairs.

Free! Free wheelchair repairs, although I imagine you would have to pay for the parts. I rolled over there and within five minutes, all was set in order. There were nuts loose. (Stop. Don't say a word.)

I went over to a major, major, major w/c manufacturer. They let me take two different chairs out for a test drive. One was good, but the second was the one I fell in love with. It fit me perfectly.

There was a demonstration of wheelchair/AB dancing on the other side of the convention center, so I zipped over there to watch. A female dancer was teamed with an extremely buff para. Be still, my heart. At first, I wasn't impressed but when it was just the two of them, things got muy caliente.

I saw a big open space away from the dancing and I went over there to dance. It was so freeing. The chair was a dream. What a wonderful thing! I take back every snotty thing I've ever said about wheelchair dancing.

I zipped all around the convention center - still in the test drive chair. In ten minutes, I saw what would have taken me hours in my own wheels. I went back to the sales guy - who turned out to be the international production manager. I asked how much the chair was and he told me a figure that would fund a two week deluxe trip to Europe. I gulped. And then I said, "I know you guys get asked this all the time, but do you ever sell demo chairs?" The sales guy pointed to a guy in another chair. "Ask him. He's the head honcho. He's the president of the company."

The Prez wheeled over and Sales Dude introduced us. We shook hands. Sales Dude put the question to him and then walked away. The Prez, who looked to be about my age, pondered the question. He went through a legal disclaimer about only selling through dealers, etc., etc., etc.

I have learned that the most amazing things happen if you just stand there. By just standing there at a mattress store, the price miraculously descended several hundreds of dollars. I just stood there.

"Insurance," he asked.

I shook my head.

He sighed. "E-mail me when I get back into the shop next week. Remind me about our conversation. Sales dude! Get the measurements on that chair she liked! Sometimes we have things that have just...amortized out. Maybe $500?"

I nearly wept. These gorgeous chairs. These swift and beautiful chairs!

Then he whispered, "But you can't, for God's sake, tell anyone we did this. The distributors would kill us."

I zipped my lip, locked it and threw away the key.

Everyone who saw my current chair looked at it and then back at me, in the spiffiness. They shook their heads pityingly.

With great regret, I got back into it. But make no mistake - I am grateful to have this one.

And I'll just wait for the spiffiness.

When You Hire A Negro

Welcome to the XYZ Corporation handbook on interviewing and hiring a Negro.

As we all know, laws have been passed to make companies a more hospitable environment to Negroes. It is important that we learn to feel comfortable around people who are Negroes.

Interviewing a Negro
First, make sure the Negro understands where and when the interview is to be held.
When interviewing the Negro, do not judge the person by how dark or light his skin is. Sometimes, it might even be hard to believe a person is a Negro!
Do not make a point of mentioning the person's skin tone.
Do not judge a Negro's ability to do the job based on the person's Negro-ness.

Hiring a Negro
It is up to the Negro to identify himself as a Negro. Again, sometimes you can't tell that they might need extra help (also known as "accommodation") to perform the job they were hired to do.
Ideally, the person would identify himself as a Negro before beginning work in case accommodation is needed.
Before the Negro's first day, gather your staff to explain that the new team member you have hired is a Negro. Explain a little about the exact kind of Negro-ness the new hire has.
Don't stare at the Negro. It is perceived as an insulting and threatening gesture.
Make sure the Negro feels included in team meetings and activities.
You will find that Negroes are loyal and tend to stay longer at companies more than non-Negro employees. They are tremendous assets in this sense.

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Honestly, this is what I read online today at the company where I'm consulting these days. Oh - except "Negro" was spelled "person with a disability".