Due to budget constraints at my house, I am slowly giving up bits of technology. One of them is reading books on Kindle. Yes, I know, I can have Kindle on this lap top, etc. etc. But I've been enjoying getting back to the tactile experience of reading. Holding a book in my hand. Turning pages.
Last night, I was tucked into the sofa, my right leg tightly under me. I must have been reading for about half an hour. When I had to stand up, I found my right leg to be very uncooperative. It didn't move, despite my willing it to.
Instead, I put my weight on my left leg, stood, then pulled my right leg into standing position. I felt nothing from it.
I took a step forward and my right leg buckled under me. My knee didn't hold. My ankle didn't, either. I caught myself before I fell and simply stood there for a few seconds, occasionally testing my leg. It took what felt like a gratifyingly long time for it to come back.
During that time, my mind flew. So this is what it could be like. Oh, dear God. I know the pointlessness of wanting this. I've known it for so long that I successfully repressed my early childhood discover of BIID for over thirty years.
But it's here with me now. And as much as I loved that strangely affirming moment yesterday, I know it's pointless to seek it out. I thought for a moment - braces. Long leg braces. As I have thought for at least the past five years and in those five years, have come no closer to affording them. So this is life, ordinary life, and it goes on as it must.
And in the meantime, hope for those accidental, rare, but blissful moments of yes.
