It May Be All in My Head, But It's Not Where You're Looking

Last night during a progress report call to my shrink, I told him that BIID has been especially strong in me lately. "In fact," I said, "I'm looking into buying a wheelchair."

A silence. A horrified one? Then he sighed and said, "I was hoping the Lexapro would take care of the OCD."

I silently screamed, It's not OCD!

He asked me if I'd been going to a therapist. I told him I had but at that particular time BIID was not troublesome. Dr. Therapist is slightly aghast at BIID and has cautioned me more than once about buying a chair. Luckily, I don't go to see Dr. Therapist to deal with BIID.

Dr. Shrink suggested I come see him next week. I will, but suspect I already know the outcome. He will see BIID as a bad thing.

I don't know if wheeling is my karmic destiny, but I do know that I want to attempt some time at it, in a chair that fits. I went to NYC last spring and rented a chair at a museum but fit me it did not, no matter that the experience was generally a good one. Actually, it seemed perfectly natural.

What I want is a doctor to write a Rx for a chair for me. I don't know how else to get what I'm looking for.

The one experience I had with someone trying to sell / give me a used chair made me more than slightly uneasy.

If you have any handy tips, please send them on their way. In the meantime, I have a feeling I'll be spending enough money on Dr. Shrink and Dr. Therapist to pay for a pretty fine used chair. Gah.

Songs

I've noticed these songs and was wondering if anyone else had paid particular attention to them, too.

They sent a little extra prickle up my neck when I heard them and I was sure no one else heard them the way I did, with the obvious exception of "Ruby" by Kenny Rogers.

The first one is "Paint It Black."

"I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes.
I have to turn away until my darkness goes.
I see a line of cars and they're all painted it black.
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away."

What went through my eight year old mind was a disabled guy watching his unrequited love walk away and people refusing to look at him.

Even better was the Beatles' "You've got to Hide Your Love Away."

"Here I stand head in hand,
Turn my face to the wall.
If she's gone I can't go on
Feeling two foot small.

Everywhere people stare,
Each and every day.
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say

Hey, you've got to hide your love away..."

Again, I was maybe ten years old when this came out by my dev mind was formed by then and for years thereafter, I was frozen whenever I heard what sounded like a "dev" song.

It's hard to remember anything else that's hit me quite as hard as those two songs. I bought the single of "Ruby" and sneak-listened to it when I thought no one else was around.

Nowadays, I know I've heard some songs that may lean toward dev-ness or "look out, you're going to kill yourself."

Here's "High and Dry" by Radiohead:

"Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry"

Ooh. Harsh. Someone badly broken while trying to fly.

Any other favorites? Any others spring to mind? Inquiring minds want to know.

Stay at Your Own Risk

If you are attacked in a Marriott hotel parking garage or lot, too bad, so sad. You should have known better.

I've always been a big fan of Marriott hotels. I can't think of one time when I've stayed in an accessible room that wasn't. (Traveling with a wheeler.) The staff have been pleasant but not overbearing or sickly sweet.

Check here for the whole story: http://content.usatoday.com/communities/hotelcheckin/post/2009/08/68496944/1

Marriott eventually - three years later - issued an apology but apparently not directly to the victim.

A woman was leaving the hotel with her two little kids. She was in the garage, packing up, when a rapist grabbed her, put a gun to her head, and sexually assaulted her.

And the Marriott lawyers said, hey, it's her fault.

If you're a person with a disability, your risk of being victim of a violent crime is 4% - 10% greater than an AB's.

Not a pleasant thing to think about, but it's a consideration. Especially if you're staying at a Marriott.

Grrrr...

All The News That's Unfit to Print

In the past ten minutes, I've read two news stories that have me seething with frustration.

The first was that a court in Australia has decided to let a quadriplegic man starve to death if he wants to. This is way too much like that misdirected (if you'll excuse the pun) schmaltz, "Whose Life Is It, Anyway?". In the news report, it's not mentioned how long the guy has been a quad. It may be as little as a year. I'm sorry, a year is not long enough to recover from the trauma and adjust to a new life.

The man complains that he can't even read a newspaper by himself anymore. I'm gobsmacked. Has no one in Australia or even his nursing home ever heard of assistive technology? Or even a mouth stick?

I realize that newspapers can't accurately reflect reality. They have limited space, but I don't think there are limited pixels. What's the real story here? How long has he been injured? Did he receive counseling? Physical therapy? Is he, for some reason, unable to control a power chair?

Even if he's been asking for this ruling since November 2008, when he moved into this nursing home, that's not long enough to decide a life or death issue. It isn't.

Granted, I have not been in his position, but I know plenty of other people who are and none of them are sitting around moaning about wanting to die.

The other story is about a five year old boy, Hassani Campbell, who has cerebral palsy and is missing. I'll leave the editorializing about the situation, because I want to focus on this statement from CNN.com:

cerebral palsy is a debilitating brain disease that inhibits motor skills.

This makes it sound like...well, like MS, where the condition may drastically worsen over time. I realize that there can be cognitive deficits involved with CP but has never been the case with CPers I've encountered.

Here's a definition from the Internet, so you know it's true:

a loss or deficiency of motor control with involuntary spasms caused by permanent brain damage present at birth

I realize that in the greater scheme of things, these two incidents may dwindle in importance.

Still, shoddy reporting, incomplete reporting and untruths annoy me. A lot. And I think diminish the people they're writing about.

Get your facts straight. And get them all. And shame on any editor who keeps them from hitting the screen the way they were meant to be.