Mixed States

I realize how long it's been since I posted here. Not much has changed.

A lot of things have happened.

I'm going out in my chair more but it still isn't a lot. More on that later, maybe. Today's particular kvetch is a spillover from my mainstream blog. A friend of mine has invited me to lunch at a very nice place with very nice gardens. It's a two hour drive away. She's going to drive. In her convertible. In her teeny tiny Mercedes convertible. I was just diagnosed with my second round of skin cancer - very minor, but still, surgery is scheduled and I'm not looking forward to it.

There is nothing at all about the convertible experience that I cherish. The wind, the sun, the hair all over the place thing, the wind, and the sun. Not to mention the fact that my friend comes in size XS and I am XXL and she naturally chose the car to fit her and not any of her passengers. I am sure that all will be well once we reach our destination, have our meal and wander the gardens and then again when I return home.

Tina is one of the few people in my real-life world that I've told about BIID. She showed enormous intellectual curiosity about it when I first mentioned it to her and I've told her to feel free to ask any questions. One of life's many ironies is that Tina owns a wheelchair van. She is perfectly able-bodied but her late husband was paraplegic due to illness in the last years of his life.

She has a hard time getting rid of things. The few times I've seen it in her driveway, I've cast longing glances at it. I've considered asking her if I could buy it, but I honestly don't have the cash and again, she has a hard time letting go.

This is not the weekend that I had in mind for myself. I have my chair in my car and I knew where I wanted to go. I may or may not have to opportunity to go out on Sunday. There is someplace deep where this all comes from, the unsettled feeling I have. Perhaps that's what it feels like when things begin.