The Fever

I've been thinking up ways to save money. At this point, not really enough wiggle room to let it happen. But still, I ponder.

I thought hard, really hard, about getting myself a right AFO. After all, my ankle is all kinds of messed up. I don't have any health insurance right now, so of course that couldn't pay for it. I went to an online brace site and added up that my AFO might cost me upwards of $500 - $600.

Next month, I start a new job. Although I know the AFO wouldn't have arrived in time, I thought, wouldn't it be nifty to just start this way, with a right AFO? I know no one looked at me for long when I went in for the interview. Since this is a contracting gig, no one asked me any questions about needing accommodation to perform my job.

I checked eBay to see if I could find something that would make do.

Instead, I found a wheelchair. A beautiful wheelchair. A Tilite ZRA. For more than $800, plus $50 for shipping.

I suddenly found out a lot about wheelchairs. I learned to measure myself and learned that this chair might be too big for me. But that didn't stop the obsessive round-and-round thoughts in my mind. I dug in and learned more. For one thing, the back didn't appear to be adjustable and I couldn't go any higher than 15".

But I had this irrational fever for this chair.

Although I will be paying my bills out of my savings account until my first paycheck arrives, I wanted this chair. And I knew I was being completely irrational about wanting it.

I begged someone to talk me down from the ledge and he did.

I felt like I could finally breathe again.

Then, quite wisely, he said, "Just because you got around it this time, don't think it won't come back twice as hard."

He's right. And I wish he was wrong. But he's been coping with this longer than I have and had the stones to acknowledge it long before Miss Repression 2009 here did.

The fever will be back. And what then?