Thinking

I've been away from here, thinking a lot lately.

I understand why some people with BIID have a desire to get approval or at least avoid the loathing of the PWD community. Part of that is the reason why I've been quiet. One PWD blogger made a comment that they thought a question about accessibility in NYC directed their way was then used - by a pretender. Gasp. Horror. Because after all, the subway station belongs to this other blogger, of course.

After much pondering, I've decided that I want to move along in here.

I know that if I have BIID (and I've been told by a medical researcher that I have all the symptoms), I don't think it's as severe as it is with other folks.

I don't obsess about it. I put my mind to it from time to time.

It's a tremendous relief to me when I'm at work to think of myself in the body image I want, an L3-4 polio para. The brief seconds I use to think of it bring me a deep peace that I use to get more work done.

Lately, my focus is on a right AFO. Part of this is because my right ankle truly is screwed up. I've ignored all the recommendations for surgery, chiefly because I have yet to find the surgeon I feel comfortable with and I can't afford to miss the time for work.

There may be a wheelchair coming my way soon. I want to take a weekend away, a very, very, very rare occasion for me, and am thinking of where I could go within a 3 hr drive of NYC, a place that is accessible. Accessible is a hard thing in the northeast US. The only place I can think of is Atlantic City and AC is just lost on me. I don't get it. I have several vices, but gambling isn't one that I have. In fact, I just don't get it.

Still, I ponder the place to go. And that, too, brings me a kind of peace.